When I was single, I always thought that my friends who have kids were exaggerating their feelings whenever their children gets sick or get hurt. I never really understood why they were always panicky when they receive a call from their nanny or anyone who's taking care of their kids. That was until I became pregnant. I was only 6 weeks pregnant then and I was so scared of eating and drinking anything unless my OB-Gyne said so. I didn't want to move and go anywhere. I was just too scared that i might do something to harm my baby. Yup, my ka-praningan started when Zac was just as small as a pea.
Imagine how praning I am now? hahaha! If only I can put Zac in a bubble so that nothing will harm him. If only I can bring him to where I am going every single time so that I can watch what he is doing. If only I can resign from work and stay with him at home. If only I can be with my son every single second of the day, even if I don't sleep anymore, I would, but I can't.
When Zac got sick last month and was sent to the hospital, I almost slapped the Intern who couldn't find his vein to put his dextrose. Hearing my son wail in pain was like a knife being stabbed in my heart over and over and over again. Seeing him so helpless and weak made me feel like a worthless mother who leaves his child everyday in the care of other people. The guilt made me hate myself. For 3 days, I kept thinking what I did wrong.
Now I fully understand the exaggerated worries, the over panic, the extreme rush of emotions that ALL mothers have for their children, and it doesn't stop even if they have fully grown. This is because we love our children more than ourselves. We want the best for our kids. Our sons or daughters are most precious gift we received from God that we will give up anyone and anything for their happiness.
So to all the mothers out there, lets give ourselves a pat in the back, because no matter what happens to our children, we know that we did everything to keep them safe and loved.
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